The Affair. My new book. Out October 31st, 2025.
Disclaimer:
This is a true story. This is the story of a relationship, and an account of things and events that happened, which should never have happened.
This is the story of two people whose bond was doomed from the start.
This is the story of two people who were meant to meet and to fall in love with one another,
but whose affair with one another would leave a lasting scar for one of them more than the other.
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year,
Christmas can feel magical to children
and to people of all ages,
Christmas is about family and connection
and it is about sharing love and friendship;
however, for a lot of people,
more so now than ever,
Christmas is a time that they dread,
Christmas can feel too much,
Christmas is a time that reminds
some people what and who they have lost.
Christmas decorations are lovely,
sending Christmas cards is sweet,
Christmas parties and gatherings are great,
and it is always good to let your hair down
and socialise with those whom you work with,
or perhaps those whom you may only see once a year;
but there are so many lonely people
who feel at their lowest during the festive period,
because they feel as if they have
forever lost the spirit that they once
had within them to be able to
enjoy the traditions
that have gone hand in hand
with Christmas and the New Year -
so much so that they wince
at the words "happy" and "merry"
that are used when someone
utters a Christmas wish.
Some people will have no choice
but to spend their time away from
those whom they love
because coming together is feat that,
for multiple reasons, is particularly difficult...
for some people, Christmas
just does not feel the same as it used to
when times were better
and when there was more to look forward to.
Some children will make a list
or write a letter to Father Christmas
and hope that they get what they asked for;
however, every year, so many parents
know that there is no way
that they will be able to give
their children what they want,
but they will always endeavour
to give their children what they can,
and more than anything
love, happiness, and protection
is all that they really need.
For some people, Christmas is
when they can be themselves -
but, for some, Christmas can be
when people look into the faces
of family members and wish
that they could bring them back full to health.
On Christmas day, multiple families
will open presents in the morning
and then in the afternoon
they will gather around a table
and enjoy a Christmas feast;
however, there will be those people
who on Christmas day will
not have one Christmas present to open
and will consider Christmas day
just like any other day.
There is always a reason for everything -
and while some people will make
the most of every second of
"The most wonderful time of the year",
some people will not will watch
the festive period pass without a fuss
because, for personal reasons,
they choose to not do Christmas.
I feel like I have been torn to pieces and put back together again... I feel like I have loved so hard, for so long, but now I am convinced that all the love that I once felt is gone. I have always been a dreamer and an unwavering optimist; but now I see only one path before me: the same one as that of the sun, and one day, too, I will have shined my last, and I will finally be free of all pain. I have felt many connections over my life, but almost all of the people with whom I have shared so much have long since gone their own way and anything once felt has been lost. This is what happens, this is what has happened, this is what I never anticipated, this is what I never could have predicted; but as times change so too are people remade - especially when they find themselves at a crossroads, scarred by life, and not willing to repeat the same cycle that they have been struggling to live through over and over, seemingly without end. What should we do, What would we do, What can we do to feel something, anything, like we once felt before? But there is no way back. There is no way to start anew. There is no way to know what would have happened if different choices had been made - especially when each and every day feels simultaneously like the first and the last. There is no way other than to reach for tomorrow, and hope that what we find will once again remind us of where we came from and why we are still alive. There is always a way forward, even after something akin to the "End of the World" - but, if you want to give the version of you who rises out of the ashes of what came before something that they will keep with them in the new world of the future that awaits them, you could do no better than to gift a thought of hope and a promise that everything will be OK as long as they choose to embrace, and do not fear, the burden that is sometimes felt by those of us who would class ourselves as survivors.
What can be said… what can be done…
what can be read… what can be known
about how somebody is going to act,
how somebody is going to think,
how powerless somebody is going
to feel after they lose someone
who they have known all their life –
someone who they may not have seen every day,
someone who they may not have talked
to on a regular basis,
but someone who was always there
as a source of stability and faith,
and someone who they always loved.
Words can’t describe what certain
people go through after someone
they cared for unexpectedly dies…
some people feel numb, some people feel lost,
some people feel like they have misplaced
a part of themselves immediately after
they hear the tragic news that they
will never see someone again –
and sometimes the pain that is felt is so extreme
that it overpowers a person’s
natural ability to show their sorrow
with the tears of a cry.
It’s so sad to see people suffering
from profound grief to the degree
that they recede within themselves
both physically and psychologically –
not even wanting to leave
the coccoon of their bed to eat, to drink,
to wash their face, to dress themselves
how they normally would,
nor unable to convey the hurt
that they constantly feel in their chest
as their heart attempts to heal itself
after seemingly breaking into a million pieces.
It’s a long road back to normality
after you lose someone who always made
you feel special passes away –
there isn’t anything that anybody can do for you
other than to give you the time that you need
to come to terms with the hard reality
that death is the part of life
which nobody can do anything about,
but what each and every one of us can do
is to never forget all those people
who may have left us physically
but who will always be with us in spirit,
who may have seen something in us
that we may never have seen
and who may have known us
better than we could ever truly know ourselves
and who every day we will think of,
who will love always, who we will always honour,
who we will always remember,
who we will always be grateful for the gift of,
and who not a day will go by
when we will not grieve for them.
Life can sometimes be hard;
sometimes people can live a life of silent pain;
life can sometimes feel like an endless night,
during which the time until the arrival of new light
can seem too long;
sometimes all you need to have in your life,
to get you through a tough time in your life,
is your one and only best-friend –
especially when you feel low…
especially when you feel like you have nowhere to go…
especially when you are up all night
and you sleep through the day…
especially when you need the strength to be brave.
There is always hope, even in darkness;
you can always find solace,
even at the centre of a world of madness;
keep a hold of your faith,
even when you do not at first
recognize the voice of God;
keep love in your heart, always –
and with it you will live and breathe with a purpose,
and every time when you fall to sleep
you will rest like a log.
As the world turns, seasons change…
as the days run away with themselves
it is so easy to feel as if you are losing your place…
as the clouds gather, it can be hard to see
the light of the sun…
as the hours feel like they are merging into one,
everybody needs to stop time,
everybody needs to gather around a source of light –
because everybody needs some peace,
like that which you find in a sun-drenched
autumn-colored forest…
everybody needs some winter solace.
When you want to do
something for someone
whom you love, but you can’t –
you can be made to feel powerless…
when someone whom you love
more than anything is in pain,
you can feel so unbelievably out of touch…
when you want to help someone
in any way that you can,
but whatever you do
could never be enough –
we, I fall to my knees
and I hold my hands together
and I pray to God…
I pray that those whom I love
will be healed and have their pain taken away –
I speak out-loud and I think of the one
who I will give all my hope,
and I promise to be there for them
when they feel at their lowest
and their most lost…
it’s agony to watch…
it’s hard to see…
it’s something that I would not wish
on my worst-enemy:
the sight, the image, the reality,
of somebody for whom
you would do anything for
struggling to speak
and feeling as if they
might at any moment collapse to the floor…
Why must this happen, God?
Why put someone through something so torturous?
Why cannot your angels help
those in need – is it truly necessary
for those in pain to ask?
Our time on Earth is precious,
and we all have choices to make –
but when we are struck-down
by something suddenly and painfully
we do not get a choice in that…
everybody whom I have known
to have given so much
throughout their life
are those who are hurting the most…
If I could be anybody,
if I could do anything,
I would choose to be a healer of people –
so that I could revitalise a person’s life
and remake them anew…
there is no reason for anybody
to suffer needlessly…
I pray to God that my loved-ones
will one day live a life
in peace and free of pain…
is it too much to ask
that those whom I love
may live without fear and be happy?
Please, God – I beg you…
we all need your healing love right now,
now more than ever…
life is a beautiful gift,
and to me it should not be wasted
on those who think that everything is a game…
Dear God, please heal those whom I love –
I would give anything, I would do anything…
this I promise, this I pray.
Everybody would do anything
for the one they love;
anybody would do everything
to take away their loved-one’s pain –
even get down on their knees
and plead for relief
from God above;
there is nothing worse
than not being able
to help someone in need
who means the world to you;
there is nothing more harrowing
than having to see your loved-one
wince in pain and then cry out
for someone to give them something
to take away the agony
that shoots through their entire body
when they move.
Some fights cannot be won alone;
every battle leaves scars;
some people go through things
that hurt them more than anyone else
could ever possibly know;
everybody sometimes needs a hand to hold
to guide them through the dark.
Every day is a test;
there is no one
who has all the answers to every-thing;
nobody knows what day will be someone’s last;
when things become so tormenting that we start crying,
we all start to ask to the question: why me?
and we just crave for a long and peaceful rest.
Sickness is hard on all those
who are effected by it –
family, friends, and especially
on the one who is sick;
to me, there is nothing
that is as infuriating
as seeing someone taking their life
and the life of someone else for granted;
there are times when we all wish
that we could just let go, drift off, and dream;
there are times when we all find
the pain that we are feeling too hard to bear,
and we all need to be given a dose of morphine.
When I’m talking to you,
and I know that
there is something wrong with you,
I can’t tell you
how that makes me feel –
I just wish that I could kiss you for real
and take away your stress and your pain,
I wish I could go back in time
and step back inside the photo-frame
to when we were together
and happily sitting with each other in the sun;
I wish I could take away the agony
that torments you… with all my love.
Why do the sweetest have to go through so much?
Why must I be so far away now
when you are all that I can think about
and all that I want to touch?
Why must an ocean keep us
on different continents?
Why can’t we just got back to the moments
when we used to sit on the porch?
You need me, and I need you;
you are my everything
and the best thing that has ever happened to me,
and I would give anything right now
and always to forever be with you;
I should be there when you need me the most;
I wish I could package myself to you
as simple as sending a gift to you by post;
I know that I can’t be there now,
but I promise you that I am on my way;
you are my entire life,
and I just wish that there
were more words to say
all that there is to say about you,
my angel of light.
I’m here for you, babe;
I will always be the one
who you can rely on;
if I lived just around the corner
I would be there
by your side right now,
and there would be nothing
that could stand in my way –
because you are my only one.
I wrote this for you;
I want to be with you;
I would do anything
to have my arms wrapped around you;
I will be there with you soon,
and I can’t wait –
because all that I want to do
and the only place where I want to be
is right there with you
for all of eternity.
Mark The Poet 