Even after all this time,
even after all those tears,
even after all the lies,
even after all the fears -
there it is: that which has always
been there for me to return to...
even after all the moments of heartbreak,
even after all the love that has been wasted,
even after all the lying faces,
even after all the secrets -
there they are: they who
know who and what they are,
no matter what facades
they currently choose to use...
even after all my heart has been through,
even after all the avenues of thought
my mind has gone down,
even after all the answers that I found
about what made others who they were -
there, more and more than ever before,
I see people who I used to know
showing me that I was once so
foolish to give them the gift of my trust,
and even though to them the past
is the past
I still have the same means to
access the memories of long ago
and remember what was said,
when, why, and with whom...
even after we all walk away
from something, someone, somewhere,
we always leave something behind,
we always leave an impression,
we always leave a shadow,
we always leave clues that can be used
to retrace our steps -
even those we thought had long since been erased;
we always return to what we knew,
we always return to who we knew,
we always return to where we knew -
however, when we ultimately do,
we always have an opportunity
to choose,
even if it is only retrospectively,
whether we would make the same
decisions again, and though
there is no definitive way to know
what would have happened
if different choices had been made,
it is still fascinating to wonder
how life would have panned out
if we had found something
we were looking for
when we were originally looking for it,
and we were able to say outloud:
"There it is" -
because one thing can always
make all the difference.
poem
My Poem “It’s the thought that counts”
Christmas decorations are being put up...
Christmas lights are being switched on...
Christmas cards are being written...
Christmas presents are being bought
and are being sent all around the world.....
Christmas music is being played
in Cafés, supermarkets, and in department stores...
Christmas movies are being shown
on television...
Christmas sweaters are being worn...
Christmas beverages and food
are being enjoyed and consumed...
Christmas plans are being made...
Christmas is a time of the year
that some people love everything about;
however, for some people,
Christmas is a time of the year
when they feel at their lowest
and at their most lonely
because when they look at their life,
and when they look back on Christmases gone by,
they wonder where and when
the magic of Christmas went
that they used to feel when they were a child...
Christmas is when we should all
want to gather together
and catch up with one another;
but the reality of Christmas, nowadays -
behind all the customs, the rituals,
the tinsel, the lights, and the trimmings -
is that not everybody can, nor will,
ever be able to forgive one another
or get along with each other;
but one of the most important things
that we can do is to keep the people
who matter to us in our thoughts
and not worry about who gets
what, when, why, or how -
because, whether some people
believe it, or not,
when it comes to Christmas,
or to any time of celebration,
the most important thing to never forget
is that, when all is said and done,
no matter what anyone says,
the thought of something,
and the thought of someone,
really is all that should count.
My Poem “The Embodiment of Poetry”
I walked into the woods today... I returned to a place that I know well and a place that knows me... I saw the same trees that I have known for over a decade, and as soon as I entered the place where the poet in me was born I saw echoes of myself from the past - and I felt as if, once again, I was seeing a version of myself who had yet to have suffered the scars and the losses that I had. I have always felt blessed with inspiration whenever I go back to where things began for me - the place that I have a memory of which is so clear and special, the place where I only remember feeling an abundance of happiness, the place that I consider a fountain of poetry, that I have been back to many times over the years; however, today, this time, from the moment that I reentered the oasis of life that over time has become the endless kaleidoscope of memories, experiences, and thoughts from the moment that I saw it, I felt as if I were returning truly changed and different from who I was when I first visited. I felt it almost immediately: I was not the same person as I was, and yet I was still the same poet who I have always been - but now filled with the things of mine taken from the shadows of the monuments that define my life... I felt like I was one of the trees, and I felt as if they were as close to me as family... I felt like I had been waiting for something which was always there - but, before today, I could not perceive what had always been all around me and right in front of me. I had been away from this place for a long time - but as soon as I was once again surrounded by the storytellers of nature itself, it did not take me long to complete the puzzle within me, by using the pieces I had left behind from the last time I was there, to realise that I am, and I have always been, what I always wanted to be: the embodiment of poetry.
My Poem “From Time to Time”
In white writing on black leather I saw the warning "Nothing lasts forever" - something I have known all my life, but recently more acutely than ever. I have never been blind to the fact that the universe is constantly sending us all messages and signs... I have never been oblivious to the fact that some things are created and some people are the way that they are for reasons that might not become clear for a considerable amount of time. Sometimes, people do not know why they chose to make the choices that they did at a particular moment... sometimes, people can see what is to come - both the good and the bad - and they decide to proceed anyway, because we all know that life is sometimes both scarier than a horror movie and sometimes ridiculous enough to make us laugh. From the day that we are born, the world changes around us... from the time that we are grown and we see, and we understand, that nothing and no one is meant to be eternal, we know that there will come a day when life will go to great lengths in order to teach us all a lesson about what matters when everything is said and done... we all have to live the life that was always meant for us. From what I have seen, and from what I have learned, I would say to anyone who still has no idea what they are supposed to do when it comes to making a decision - whether seemingly insignificant, or one that is life-changing - never forget that we are allowed to make mistakes, and perhaps repeat the same mistakes over and again. Why? Because whether we want to believe it, or not, each and every one of us is a mystery - sometimes even to ourselves - and sometimes the slow discovery of who we are can make us all feel better about the most random things in life that we have accumulated, remembered, and sometimes we pick out from our individual internal memory tombola that we revist from time to time.
My Poem “The Other Side of The World”
So many people are looking for a new beginning... so many people are in need of a direction... so many people wish that they had something in their lives that would give them a feeling of belonging... so many people have friends and family members who they love - but they know that what they want lies beyond what and where they have always known... so many people have felt this insatiable draw to get on a plane and jet off to somewhere over the horizon... so many people have this instinct that compels them to go somewhere they have never been before, because the place they are going to may feel so much like paradise it could easily be a place within a dream... so many people are just waiting for something or someone to give them the push they need to take a life-changing leap... so many people look around at their lives and they feel that they need more... so many people do not know that they have been imprisoned by something, someone, somewhere, for some time, until they are looking up at an unbroken blue sky and they know what it feels like to be truly free... so many people have chosen to do something profoundly special and adventurous in the pursuit of finding their life's purpose, and so many people have found themselves choosing to start a new life thousands of miles away from the country of their birth in places that lie far away on the other side of the world.
My Poem “A Matter of Time”
I have always revisted the past... I have always lived in the present... I have always looked forward to the future - and there are times when I experience the past, the present, and the future collide: as if something momentous has happened, something revelatory, something that reminds me, yet again, that life is, essentially, multidimensional verses of poetry, and I get to see and understand things that I could not and would not have been able to at any other time - because I was not ready. I remember so much... moments mean more to me than most... I keep touchstones of experiences that enable me to travel through time that can happen as slow and as subtle as a raindrop falling from above, or as fast and as forceful as a gust... I can still recall how people looked, how places were, what was said, what song was playing on the radio - in some cases more than others, over the timeline of my life - and when some moments, in particular, do resurface and come back into focus, it almost feels as if everything that has happened and will happen is all happening all at once. In some ways, sometimes, we all must change... in some ways, sometimes, we all must break the mould that we have been cast in... in some ways, sometimes, we all must act and not necessarily know what the next steps to take will be... in some ways, sometimes, it is better to not think too much about what has yet to happen - and sometimes it is good to have a goal in front of you to focus on. We are all pilots, as well as passengers, travelling through the vortex of time hoping that one day we will eventually land and find ourselves somewhere that will give us what we have been searching for, without even knowing it... we are all capable of extraordinary things and each of us can do something that uniquely defines us - and yet, one thing that life teaches all of us is that the moment that you think you know it all or have seen it all you will discover that you don't, you haven't, you won't, and you can't; and why? Because sometimes we are not meant to know everything - only what we need to know, but not always what we want to know; because everything is a matter of time.
My Poem “Survivors”
I feel like I have been torn to pieces and put back together again... I feel like I have loved so hard, for so long, but now I am convinced that all the love that I once felt is gone. I have always been a dreamer and an unwavering optimist; but now I see only one path before me: the same one as that of the sun, and one day, too, I will have shined my last, and I will finally be free of all pain. I have felt many connections over my life, but almost all of the people with whom I have shared so much have long since gone their own way and anything once felt has been lost. This is what happens, this is what has happened, this is what I never anticipated, this is what I never could have predicted; but as times change so too are people remade - especially when they find themselves at a crossroads, scarred by life, and not willing to repeat the same cycle that they have been struggling to live through over and over, seemingly without end. What should we do, What would we do, What can we do to feel something, anything, like we once felt before? But there is no way back. There is no way to start anew. There is no way to know what would have happened if different choices had been made - especially when each and every day feels simultaneously like the first and the last. There is no way other than to reach for tomorrow, and hope that what we find will once again remind us of where we came from and why we are still alive. There is always a way forward, even after something akin to the "End of the World" - but, if you want to give the version of you who rises out of the ashes of what came before something that they will keep with them in the new world of the future that awaits them, you could do no better than to gift a thought of hope and a promise that everything will be OK as long as they choose to embrace, and do not fear, the burden that is sometimes felt by those of us who would class ourselves as survivors.
My Poem “Everything to Me”
On the night after my Dad died, I ran away into the city - I wanted to lose myself within the metropolis of people, because I felt like I had lost something inside of me... on the night after my Dad died, I walked the illuminated city streets not knowing where I was going to go, nor who I was going to meet... on the night after my Dad died, I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my life... on the night after my Dad died, I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry - but, in all honesty, I could not control my emotions so instead I felt numb but as if I were walking around with a gaping wound in my chest that exposed my bleeding heart that felt like it had been repeatedly stabbed by a knife. On the night after my Dad died, I unexpectedly met some new friends who all already knew one another and who had gathered together to share a Christmas drink - and though I had never met any of them before I knew that there was something to my meeting them that seemed like someone or something wanted me to form a brand new link... on the night after my Dad died, I remember being angry at whomever or whatever had taken my Dad away from me... on the night after my Dad died, I could not believe what had happened, what I had seen - and even now, and always, I will never be able to comprehend this nightmarish new reality I am living in that I wish was just a bad dream. On the night after my Dad died - after spending most of the night talking, connecting, and intoxicated, with my new friends - I said goodbye, and then, after I somehow made my way home, I reflected upon what had happened through a mirrored torrent of tears, and I wondered what was going to happen next and who I now was - and though no clear answers came to me, I knew that my world, as I knew it, had come to an end. My Dad is always with me - I feel him around me, within me, like the glow and the feeling of some kind of perpetual spirit and light that I know is my Dad speaking to me, reaching out to me, guiding me, giving me the gift of his unending love that will always mean everything to me. -Mark Hastings 22/12/22 In memory of my Dad, David William George Hastings 6/1/1949 - 8/12/2022
My Poem “Shadow of Death”
All my footprints have gone... all my fingerprints have disappeared... all my impressions have been undone... all my loves have been lost - it is as if what happened never happened and now I am the only one who remembers or cares that I once used to be with someone, sometime, somewhere. I never used to believe in true endings until this year, and now it feel as if life is not done teaching me the lesson that I, nor anybody, has true control over what happens... I never believed that hope would abandon me - but something is telling me and showing me that the days of knowing what to do and when are out of my hands and from now on I am going to have to do more to keep the once perpetual light of optimism within me lit, because even the most intense and raging fire can be doused and can even go out for good. All my life, I took more for granted than I realised - and it is only now, that I am bereft of what and who I used to rely on, that I understand where I have been going wrong, where and when I should have done more, and made the most of moments that I thought would last for ever, but were always only temporary... all my life, I have been blessed and I have been surrounded by more that I could have ever wished or asked for; and now that things, and people, have left me I find myself wondering if, when, and how my life could make sense ever again - because I have been changed forever in ways that not even I could describe or capture in poetry. The future, to me, is now one day at a time... the past, to me, is now like somewhere I once knew that I wont see or repeat again until I reach my own version of the end... the present is dark, and even the lights I see, to me, have lost their once vibrant shine... reality, for me, has been fractured too badly for anything or anyone to be able to mend - because I will always be haunted and living under the shadow of death.
My Poem “No One Is Ever Alone”
It's scary how fast time goes by... It's scary how fast things can change... It's scary how many times in our lives we have to say goodbye... It's scary how many people have found themselves staring into space as they wonder what's next? Everybody has a dream that they hope and pray will become a reality someday... Everybody has a nightmare that they wish will never come to pass... Everybody has an ideal life that they always imagine, which within their mind can seem so real and so tangible that they can almost make themselves believe that all they have to do is simply to choose to get out of their own way... Everybody has lost someone who has meant something to them - and the best way to remember and to honour someone, in my experience, is to take the time to stop what you are doing and realise that every moment is like a page being turned in a book, which soon transitions from being the present into becoming the past, which leaves an impression but not always one that is meant to last. Life, like the universe, can seem so big for such a small word... Life, especially when we are young, can seem too incredible and sometimes too unfathomable for our minds to handle... Life is a question with an answer - but you have to stay until the end in order to find out... Life is complicated and emotional... Life is not always good and life is not always bad... Life is a riddle that some people work out slowly but surely, while others take a more direct approach and miss the point of why some things happen and why some things don't. A traveller of time and space once said that: "Fear can be a superpower" - and, if you think back over your life and everything that you have been through, you will realise that though things might not have gone how you might once have envisioned they would things happened the way that they had to, because life consists of each and every one of us making a difference and leaping into the unknown with a secret: that "No One Is Ever Alone."
