In these episodes Mark remarks about what he is doing, thinking, and feeling at the time.
It's 3 A.M. again... it's the time of after and before... it's quiet - which means it is the perfect time to listen... it is now when people like me awaken in the dark after being awoken to think more upon what our inner-self wishes to explore. It is not a time suited for everybody... it is not a time when that many might wish to converse; however, in my experience, it is a fertile time to walk through the garden of poetry and inspiration - because it is a time when the mind of everyone, especially a poet, is open to more than they might think... it is time to let your thoughts wander clearly without the expectation that you might find yourself leap from one extreme scenario to another like you might during a dream. It is before the sun has risen when I have repeatedly found myself considering where I am, why, and how? It is while the moon is still in the sky when I have ventured to answer the question: where do I go from here? It is after leaving behind the fog of the dream-world that I try and recapture something that I may have discovered while traversing my own internal ocean - that is both of my own making but is also connected to something a great deal more vast and deep... It is now when I have always been more aware of who and what surrounds me and defines me - and I believe that for the rest of my life it will always be this time when multiple realities will continue to meet, and whether consciously, or not, decide that the time is now to reveal themselves to me.
Everything has an end date... Everyone has an end fate... Everything deteriorates over time... Everyone, no matter how long they live, only has a relatively short life. Everything has a use... Everyone has a path... Everything has an expected way to be used... Everyone has a first and a last. Everything can be lost, and sometimes things can be forgotten... Everyone is human and is connected to everybody else and there are times when, to some people, we are all important. Everything is influenced by everyone who interacts with them... Everyone is an example of what is necessary to remember every day - that our time here on Earth with those nearest and dearest to us is temporary, so the memories that we make should be captured in every way that we can. Everything only means something when someone gives it an identity that stays with people that even after an attempt at reinvention they can not lose... Everyone can be someone's Everything - but because the spirit of someone is more deep and complex than something, people can not easily be moved on from - because the echo, the shadow, the aura of who they are, who they were, and who they will always be will continue on.
Time is precious. Time is fast. Time can be counted in the things we have done, in the things we have collected, in the people we have met, or perhaps in the steps that we have taken - like those that need to be remembered when learning a dance. Time can be found. Time can go missing. Time can be filled with sound. Time can be filled with silence - and it is in those moments when we all should listen. Time can be spent doing many things. Time is what gifts me inspiration. Time can be perceived as being both a curse as well as a blessing. Time is a beginning, a journey, an experience, as well as a destination. Time is the when, the what, the why, and the how we can be who we want to be. Time can be truth as well as a secret. Time is real as well as a dream. Time can be so encompassing that it can make you believe that where you are, when, and with whom could not be any more perfect - but Time is always open to interpretation, because in essence Time is what you make of it.
It’s been a long time since I wrote like this… It’s been a long time since I felt like this… It’s been a long time since I felt as if I were adrift… It’s been a long time since I made a wish… It’s been a long time since I felt as if I had nothing else to anchor me except for my family and my poetry… It’s been a long time since I looked in the mirror and I did not recognise who was looking back at me... It’s been a long time since I saw some of the muses who over the last ten years have knowingly, or unknowingly, inspired me... It’s been a long time since I experienced a true new beginning - but now that I have been left by those who I once thought I knew and who I thought knew me, I believe that I am having to walk while fully awake – where before, perhaps, I had only been sleep-walking... It’s been a long time, but I think I know who I am now… It’s been a long time, but I think I get the message clear and loud… It’s been a long time, but I think I have been touched by a light like the sunlight that eventually breaks through even the darkest of clouds… It’s been a long time, but I think I have arrived somewhere where I have acquired what I have been looking for – somewhere I can only acquaint to being some kind of poetic Lost and Found.