inspiration
My Poem “Vampires”
They say that everyone has a "type"
when it comes to
who they are attracted to
and who they are drawn to...
most of the time we have no control
over who we fall in love with...
I have loved and I have been driven
to do things and to go to places
because what I felt for someone
somehow compelled me -
and now, in retrospect,
as I analyze who I sacrificed
so much for over the years,
and who ultimately threw
everything I did for them
away as if it were nothing,
I realize that for so long
I have found myself in relationships
with those who I would
have to describe as "Vampires":
those who tried to take from me
what fundameantally makes me who I am,
because they were users
who only wanted to take
without giving anything in return...
I was mesmerized by the hypnotic
gaze of those who could so easily
have bled me dry without
shedding a single tear from their eyes...
I was lead to believe that
the love I felt was reciprocated
because who I loved gave
what I believe would be considered
an award-winning performance -
because they played their part to perfection
and completely fooled me
into thinking that I was worth
something to them...
I believed every word I was told -
especially when the word "love"
was added into the mix...
I wanted to be with those
who I loved so badly
that I knowingly found myself
unable to stop myself from being tricked...
I have always had a vivid imagination,
but even I could never have imagined
all the ways that
I would be lied to,
nor what certain people
would be capable of saying and doing...
sometimes I do wish that
I would have seen the obvious signs
that told me from the outset
that who I fell for were not
as beautiful on the inside
as they appeared to be on the outside -
but, even if I had, I probably
would have overlooked
what I saw anyway,
because I was unable to think
about anything other than
being with those who made
my heart and the blood in my veins
burn as if they were on fire...
maybe, one day, I will break the curse
I have been under
whenever I have looked for a lover;
but, right now, I am in no rush
to jump with both feet
into anything resembling
the relationships that I have had
with too many smiling liars -
who I will always think of,
and refer to, as "Vampires".
My Poem “Trancendence”
The sun has gifted me
moments to love all my life -
from childhood memories
of playing in my garden with my sister,
to being taken to Disneyland Florida,
to riding my bike around my home village
over and over again,
to kisses with exes,
to sitting outside while enjoying
the sunshine as I drink
something to quench my thirst;
however there isn't a day that goes by
when I am not reminded that
all the time that we are gifted
is precious and fleeting,
and it is only when we look back
on Summer's gone by
that we start to realize
the world is constantly trying
to teach us something important:
none of us stay as we are,
because who we were
and those who we used to know
have become a part of
the history of our story
and they were never meant to be
anything other than what they became.
I can still recall memories
of people and places,
and I can still remember
the lasting impressions
that I felt at certain times -
but because I don't have
the same relationships
that I used to have with people,
and because I have learned
more life lessons than I can count
from all the errors
that I have made over the years,
I now feel a certain detachment
as I slowly drift further and further
away from where I came from,
who I used to be,
and who I used to believe I knew.
It occurs to me that I did not
think about the end of anything
when I was younger,
because I honestly believed
that things would
stay the same way forever -
and I can only blame myself
for having that childish mentality;
however, while growing up,
I was truly blessed by a loving family,
I was given unforgettable experiences,
I grew up at a time
when we didn't have as much
as children have now
but somehow I feel as if we had more,
and I slowly but surely
felt the awakening
of the most important,
precious, extraordinary, and phenomenal
surge of energy, light, and inspiration -
something that sometimes feels
like a magical and miraculous power
that I have always been fated to wield.
There are times when I do wonder
what would have happened if
fate had had other plans for me;
however, when I am sitting
and enjoying the sunshine
with my family and with those who know me and still love me,
it does not take me long
to snap back to the present
and realize what a gift time
with those whom you
share an unbreakable connection with
transcends everything.
The Pathfinder: Behind The Scenes
The Pathfinder: Flow State
The Pathfinder: From One to Another
The Pathfinder: Someone To Talk To
The Pathfinder: Pilgrimage
The Pathfinder: What Comes Naturally
My Poem “The Lock of Our Lost Love”
A long time ago,
I put a padlock with our names on it
onto a bridge next to countless others,
and after I attached our lock -
the lock that, to me, at the time,
signified our unending love for one another -
I threw the key to our lock
into the water of the river below;
and I never foresaw that I would
ever regret doing what I did -
however, now, I have to say, I do,
because what we once had is no more,
and whenever I think of that lock
it makes me feel sad,
because our love, as it turns out,
was a lie from beginning to end -
because we were once lovers,
but now we are not even friends.
I wish I could find that lock -
the one that I put on that bridge
all those years ago -
and break it, just as my heart was broken,
because it now symbolises
how foolish I was to have allowed
myself to fall for you
and to believe your lies...
I wish I still remembered what
the key to that lock looked like -
because, maybe if I did, I would
choose to dive to the bottom
of that river and retrieve it
so that I could use it
to unlock that which now feels meaningless;
however, there are most likely
many other keys to be found
in the water underneath the bridge -
so my chances of finding the right key
for the right lock are slim, at best,
but I think it would be worth a shot.
Maybe I should just try
and forget about what once was - us -
and that which once meant so much;
but the truth is that moving on
is harder than it sounds,
especially when you still have
a head full of memories
and shared experiences,
and somewhere in the world
there still remains things
that were placed somewhere in particular
with the intention that they stay
where they are forever,
even though you wish you could
remove them and throw them away -
things like carved initials in an oak tree,
graffiti on a wall,
dedications within books,
or names written upon a lock
that will continue to be
a source of pain whenever
you think of them, or see them,
because they make you remember
what you once had with someone
and that one day when
all that used to mean everything
suddenly came to a stop
and then became lost.
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