They say that everyone has a "type"
when it comes to
who they are attracted to
and who they are drawn to...
most of the time we have no control
over who we fall in love with...
I have loved and I have been driven
to do things and to go to places
because what I felt for someone
somehow compelled me -
and now, in retrospect,
as I analyze who I sacrificed
so much for over the years,
and who ultimately threw
everything I did for them
away as if it were nothing,
I realize that for so long
I have found myself in relationships
with those who I would
have to describe as "Vampires":
those who tried to take from me
what fundameantally makes me who I am,
because they were users
who only wanted to take
without giving anything in return...
I was mesmerized by the hypnotic
gaze of those who could so easily
have bled me dry without
shedding a single tear from their eyes...
I was lead to believe that
the love I felt was reciprocated
because who I loved gave
what I believe would be considered
an award-winning performance -
because they played their part to perfection
and completely fooled me
into thinking that I was worth
something to them...
I believed every word I was told -
especially when the word "love"
was added into the mix...
I wanted to be with those
who I loved so badly
that I knowingly found myself
unable to stop myself from being tricked...
I have always had a vivid imagination,
but even I could never have imagined
all the ways that
I would be lied to,
nor what certain people
would be capable of saying and doing...
sometimes I do wish that
I would have seen the obvious signs
that told me from the outset
that who I fell for were not
as beautiful on the inside
as they appeared to be on the outside -
but, even if I had, I probably
would have overlooked
what I saw anyway,
because I was unable to think
about anything other than
being with those who made
my heart and the blood in my veins
burn as if they were on fire...
maybe, one day, I will break the curse
I have been under
whenever I have looked for a lover;
but, right now, I am in no rush
to jump with both feet
into anything resembling
the relationships that I have had
with too many smiling liars -
who I will always think of,
and refer to, as "Vampires".
relationships
My Poem “The Lock of Our Lost Love”
A long time ago,
I put a padlock with our names on it
onto a bridge next to countless others,
and after I attached our lock -
the lock that, to me, at the time,
signified our unending love for one another -
I threw the key to our lock
into the water of the river below;
and I never foresaw that I would
ever regret doing what I did -
however, now, I have to say, I do,
because what we once had is no more,
and whenever I think of that lock
it makes me feel sad,
because our love, as it turns out,
was a lie from beginning to end -
because we were once lovers,
but now we are not even friends.
I wish I could find that lock -
the one that I put on that bridge
all those years ago -
and break it, just as my heart was broken,
because it now symbolises
how foolish I was to have allowed
myself to fall for you
and to believe your lies...
I wish I still remembered what
the key to that lock looked like -
because, maybe if I did, I would
choose to dive to the bottom
of that river and retrieve it
so that I could use it
to unlock that which now feels meaningless;
however, there are most likely
many other keys to be found
in the water underneath the bridge -
so my chances of finding the right key
for the right lock are slim, at best,
but I think it would be worth a shot.
Maybe I should just try
and forget about what once was - us -
and that which once meant so much;
but the truth is that moving on
is harder than it sounds,
especially when you still have
a head full of memories
and shared experiences,
and somewhere in the world
there still remains things
that were placed somewhere in particular
with the intention that they stay
where they are forever,
even though you wish you could
remove them and throw them away -
things like carved initials in an oak tree,
graffiti on a wall,
dedications within books,
or names written upon a lock
that will continue to be
a source of pain whenever
you think of them, or see them,
because they make you remember
what you once had with someone
and that one day when
all that used to mean everything
suddenly came to a stop
and then became lost.
My Poem “Relationship’s End”
A relationship doesn't just happen,
a relationship takes time
to build, to grow, to change...
a relationship can begin
in many different places,
at many different times,
for many different reasons,
and in many different ways...
a relationship does not have
an established timeline, a map,
nor a explanation as to when
and how things will happen
over the course of it, nor why -
because a relationship must be allowed
to become what it is supposed to be.
When it comes to relationships,
you cannot compare
the relationship you have with someone
to the one shared by other people,
because every relationship is unique...
when it comes to knowing
what to do while in a relationship,
no one can know what is the right thing
and what is the wrong thing to do -
because no matter how much time
you spend committed to making
a relationship last as long as it can,
nor how hard you try,
things will undoubtedly happen
that will push every bond to its limit,
and cracks will ultimately start to form,
and one day -
through no fault of any one person -
a relationship, like a mirror,
might shatter into pieces
because of all the stress
it finds itself under.
Sometimes relationships end
because they have to,
because they were always meant to -
however, when you look back
over the path you made with someone,
you can see where things started
to slowly but surely go wrong
from all the clues
that were always there to be found...
when a relationship is no more,
and you have to walk away from someone
who used to mean something profound to you,
it can be easy to blame yourself
for why things went from good to bad -
but sometimes some things
are just not meant to last,
because sometimes when we catch up,
and then we go beyond,
what we always thought
a relationship would be
all we start to see
are all our chances to leave,
all the escape routes,
all the ways out we can use
to return to a state of being
when and where we are accountable
to no one else's actions but our own.
My Poem “Just Like That”
How can two people love each other,
and then, one day in the future,
the love they had,
the love that bound them,
and the love that meant
something to them
more than words could say,
seemingly disappeared -
as if with the snap of a finger?
How is that possible? How?
All those kisses... All those hugs...
All those timeless gazes...
All gone, all forgotten -
as of they never really happened.
What a sad story.
What a heart-breaking reality.
The beginning of anything
and everything is always wonderful -
but as time goes on,
and as things happen,
people change more
than they think they do,
people change other people,
and before anyone knows it
the world can be something
to someone one minute
and then the next something
completely different and new.
Most of the time,
change cannot be seen,
nor predicted, until it happens -
like a explosion in the fabric of reality
that causes waves to carry
far and wide, high and deep,
until, one day, you wake up,
you look around, and you feel
something inside of you -
and you are taken to a place
that you never thought
you would go to,
and all you can do
is keep going down the same road
that you now find yourself on.
There is a reason for everything.
There is a reason why people meet
when, where, and how they do.
There is a reason for why
people are happy,
but then they decide
they can no longer
proceed down a path
that they know is wrong.
There is a reason why
people give up on other people -
because they lose their faith
in something that they
always thought would be forever.
Endings are sad,
because they are meant to be...
if something stops
and you do not even blink an eyelid
then obviously what that something was
did not mean enough to you
for you to fight for it...
there is a strange feeling
that courses through you
when the music that you
always used to hear
suddenly goes silent,
and you almost immediately
start to forget something
that used to be so integral
to who you were and how you saw yourself -
there is always the shadow
of an after-image that remains,
but what was once present
now feels as if it has longsince past.
Every morning there is a sunrise;
every evening there is a sunset;
every time a storm rages
upon the surface of the sun
it sheds a part of itself
that ultimately makes its way to Earth
and interacts with the magnetic field
of our planet in the form of aurora;
every time two people
fall in love with one another
it is as if the mechanisms
of a ticking clock have been set into motion -
and only time will tell
what those two people
will choose to do together,
and with others,
before the day will come
when something beyond anyone's control -
but not out of the realms
of causality and possibility -
will effect everything,
and where something once was
something else will have taken its place,
just like that.
My Poem “Lost Trust”
I have always believed
that trust was one of the most
important things in life
that can be given
and one of the most
painful things that can be lost;
however, the problem with trust
is that people are not always trustworthy -
people lie, but they always have
a reason and a motive
for why they do what they do,
and for why they say what they say.
I have been told that I am näive
when it comes to making a decision
when it comes to helping others
as well as too quick to
open my heart too easily
for others to take advantage of -
and though it pains me to admit it,
I am, and I have always been,
someone who has worn my heart on my sleeve,
and I have always given more
than I have received:
and I have been told that
that is the sign of a good person.
I am not sure if I am a "good person" -
but what I do know is that there are
people in this world who use others,
who cheat on others,
who have no respect for others,
and when it comes to making a choice
between what they want
and what others want
some people will always choose
to be selfish every time.
The number of people
whom I have trusted over my life
began small when I was younger,
and then, of course, began to grow bigger over time;
however, now I could probably count
on one hand the people
who I truly trust and why.
Love is not the allie of mine
that I used to think it was;
people have seldom been truthful with me;
my love is something I have
been too readily to offer another -
but I am here to say
that is about to change.
I have been hurt one too many times;
I have had my opinion of people
repeatedly overturned more
times than I can count;
I have done things for others
in the past the instant that they asked -
but now I am not so sure
if my ability to trust people
like I used to will ever return,
because I am recovering
from all the years and all the scars
of being psychologically,
as well as emotionally, burned.
All my muses have left me...
all who once aided my creativity
and made me believe that they loved me
have found someone else to leach from...
all I have left is what
and who truly matter to me -
those who can rest assured
that I will be there for them,
just as they have always been there for me,
because our pull to one another
is the strongest force of the universe.
All I know for sure is that
what has been lost will never return -
but one day, perhaps,
I will discover that I have
more faith to offer
and that not all my trust
has been lost.
My Poem “Finis”
That's it. Here we are.
We have reached the end.
We have finally ran out of road
and now it's time
to go our separate ways,
because we are no longer
anything to one another -
we are not even friends.
You made your choice,
and now I have made mine.
I honestly thought things would turn out differently -
but it seems as if what has happened
was always just a matter of time.
Things were not always perfect -
we had our share of
disagreements and fights...
there was always a distance between us,
but we did have some good times.
I never expected us to reach a point
where and when we couldn't
talk to one another -
but that is ultimately what happened,
that is how things now are,
and from now on that is
how thing always will be -
but that is how you wanted things,
so that is how things will proceed.
I tried. I never gave up hope
that we could make it work.
I might not have always been right,
and I admit that I made mistakes -
but I learned, and I did all that I could
to be there for you when you needed me;
but something happened:
our time ran out, we grew apart,
you have gone your way
and now I must go mine.
There was a time when
I would have done anything for you -
more than you would
ever have done for me;
but I guess it doesn't matter,
because as we both know
you and me are now "finis".
My Poem “There is no tomorrow”
It is good to dream,
and it is good to be a dreamer...
it is good to believe,
and it is good to be a believer...
it is good to send out a message of hope
into the universe without knowing
if you will ever receive a reply...
it is good to make a list of things
you want to do and places
you want to visit before you can't...
we all wish that some things
could be different and that we could
somehow go back and change what happened;
however, we are not meant
to have the power of a god,
we are not meant to live beyond
the last day of our destined journey,
we are not meant to know everything -
but each and every one of us,
right this second, have something
that we have in common:
an opportunity to choose
where we will go next, why, and how.
The past is fixed, indellible,
and what happened before is what it is...
the present is where we find ourselves now -
and everybody knows that
there is something important they want to do,
there is somewhere that they want to be,
and, usually, it is doing something else
and being somewhere else
than where they are...
the future does not exist until it does -
and, for most people, the future
is so far away and so illusive
that they do not realise
they have arrived there
until they take a look around
and see how much things
and people have changed...
every day we are alive
we are travelling into the world to come -
and as we get older
each day seems to
pass us by faster and faster,
as if we have all unwittingly
always be the participants within a race.
In life, we all lose more than we gain;
but it is over the course of our life
that we get to experience
and witness moments like no other,
and there is no better time
than today, and right away,
to do what you want to do,
to go where you want to go,
and to be with whoever
wants to be with you -
because when it comes to
making a choice that will
effect your life forever
the present is all that matters,
because there is no tomorrow.
My Poem “Walking On Air”
When you fall in love with someone,
you become weak,
you become vulnerable,
you become different...
when you fall in love with someone,
you lose your identity -
because another is rising
to take its place...
when you fall in love with someone,
sometimes you get the feeling
that you once shared something
a long time ago -
perhaps in a previous life,
as seen through a filtered lens...
when you fall in love with someone,
everything around you feels blurred
in comparison to who now occupies
what you see and who you think about
all hours of the day...
when you fall in love with someone,
you instantly believe
that nothing and no one
could ever compare to them...
when you fall in love with someone,
you can't wait to spend every moment
in their presence and be hypnotised
by their entrancing glare...
when you fall in love with someone,
it almost feels as if this time
is the first time all over again...
when you fall in love with someone,
gravity itself does not feel as strong,
nor as important as it should -
because the force, the energy,
the power of love that songs
and poetry have been full of
since the first poets found a way
to capture the transformative
journey into the unknown
that our soul takes
when we all experience
the recurring sensation
of getting closer to the stars of the sky
than to the ground below our feet,
because we feel as if we are levitating
and walking on air.
Short story: “The Man in White” (2018) by Mark Hastings
My Poem “Ultimate Fate”
Sometimes, the more you think about something and sometimes the longer that you spend obsessing about someone - in retrospect, you can eventually come to discover that could have spent the time that you did pursuing what makes you happy, rather than being held back by those who never truly will... sometimes love can be like a house of cards - and it can take the removal of one card out of many to bring everything crashing down... sometimes, we can find that we are putting more effort into a relationship that our significant partner - and that is when we can come to start hearing the alarm bells ring and start seeing the signs that point to an instability within the balance of the necessary give and take that is essential and should always be mutual... sometimes, we can all easily be deceived into believing a good lie - because we put all our trust in someone who from the moment that we met them made our heart pulse like the lightning of a thunder cloud... there is a reason why some things come easy to some people and there is a reason why some things come harder for others - but just because something is effortless or difficult that does not mean that further effort is not necessary in maintaining the energy and the momentum of something, until a transformation occurs that makes us all naturally reevaluate it... somethings will always change, some people will always remain the same - but no matter how the roll of the dice shakes out, as long as you can say with your hand on your heart that you did your best and you did all you could, then nothing and no one can judge you on something's ultimate fate.
Mark The Poet 