Whenever I see a photograph
of myself from childhood,
or whenever I hear my own voice
from decades past,
I am always reminded of how young I was,
I am always reminded of how untainted I was,
I am always reminded of how naive I was,
and I am always reminded of how much
I have changed, and also how much
I haven’t changed and will never change…
whenever I look back upon my own memories
I am always having to remind myself
that things might not have happened
exactly as I remember them happening -
because, no matter how good we think our memory is,
each of our memories and recollections
are always subject to our emotions -
and the farther away we are from
something that happened
the more that our perception of reality
becomes distorted and rewritten
with the version of our own internal narrative…
whenever I read something that I wrote
from years ago, when I was younger
and more inclined to believe everything
and take everybody on face value,
I look back on recent events
when my view on something or someone
was challenged and subsequently changed as a result -
and that is when I realise how important
is it to stay in the moment,
but not forget why things are
the way that they are
and why things were never meant to be
different than how they turned out…
whenever I read something I wrote,
whenever my own words and my own actions
return to me in some way,
I remember the fact that the past
is constantly talking to the present,
just as the present talks to
and perhaps even influences the past
in more ways than we realise,
and I find myself not regretting anything that I have done -
because we are all creating and recreating
our own version of our life
which only we have control over…
whenever I hear others talk about me
in the third person,
I always wonder how and why others
see me as they do and what it is about me
that has stayed with them
and reminds them of me -
but then of course there are the things
and there are the people whom I have known
who might not have as glowing of an opinion
of me as they used to;
however, I have learned that it doesn’t matter
what someone who is no longer in your life
thinks about you,
because it is those people
who take the time to reach out to you
and who want nothing but the best for you
who give you what you need, when you need it;
and when it all comes down to it,
everything and everyone all sound different,
and everything and everyone look different,
whenever they are heard as an echo
or whenever they are seen in reflection.
reflection
The Return of The Wolf – Chapter Five: The Return of the Reflection
“The Return of the Reflection”, Chapter Five of the audiobook version of The Return of The Wolf by Mark Hastings, which is now available to purchase from Amazon in hardback and as an ebook.
Check out the podcast merch store and get yourself some The Return of The Wolf merchandise from Redbubble: https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/The-Return-of-The-Wolf-by-MarkThePoet/169315455.IJ6L0
My Poem “New Conclusion”
When I began this journey,
I didn’t realise that I was on a path
that would change everything about me…
when I was young I didn’t realise
that everything has a time limit,
and I couldn’t conceive of the notion
that everything didn’t last forever…
when I used to read books,
when I used to watch movies,
when I used to go outside
and ride my bike around my neighbourhood,
I used to believe that I could continue to do
and to enjoy doing certain things without end -
because I was uneducated to the reality
of the last time you might get to do something,
as well as the last time you might get to see someone.
When I left school and I first heard the news
that someone I knew, a friend of mine, had died
I was so shocked, I couldn’t make sense
of what I was hearing -
especially after I was told that my friend
had taken his own life because he couldn’t take
any more of being bullied for how he looked;
and even after all these years
I still wish that there was something
that I could have done to prevent what happened…
when I think back upon all the things that I have done,
when I think back upon all the places that I have been,
when I think back upon all the people that I have met,
it is hard to remember everything
as well as hard to remember everybody -
however some things and some people
we could never forget, even if we tried,
because sometimes things happen in our life
that mean more to us than we think
and the memory of them remains
ingrained within our consciousness
and is brought back to life within our dreams.
When I sleep at night, I know that I always dream -
but when I awaken I do not always remember
what I saw, nor who I encountered,
while within the world between worlds
where we all go to and are connected to
every moment of every day,
whether we all realise it, or not.
When I started to feel like I was a part
of something bigger than myself,
when I started to see signs telling me
that things in life weren’t always
as random as they seemed to be,
when I started to get the feeling
that I had a purpose in life that was mine and mine alone -
but which would see me doing things
and meeting certain people for a reason -
that was when something happened to me
that made me want to go seek out, explore,
wonder, learn, be inspired,
and not take a moment for granted…
whenever I have found myself at a place
and at a time when I have been taken aback
by the fact that I have been in the same position before,
and I have realised that I am continuing a cycle
and a trend that I thought would never happen again -
the same as I had seen other people repeat also -
I always promise myself that I will learn
from my mistakes of the past
and not repeat them in the future,
and I do try to be better than I was
at predicting the outcome of something before it happens.
Whenever I think about life and my place in the world,
the reason why I am here, and why things happen,
I have learned to be as philosophical
in my thinking and in my reasoning as I possibly can -
but, as always, just when you think you know everything,
just when you think you have seen everything,
just when you think you have heard everything,
something or someone will inevitably surprise you
and make you question whether something was always what it was,
whether someone was who you always thought they were,
and then, as before, life asks you
to look again at what you think you know,
take another guess at what is really going on,
and see what new conclusion you can come up with.
My Poem “2024”
The strange and the unusual…
the extraordinary and the unexpected…
life has a way of making you feel
like you are in a different world
than the one you were in before
on a regular basis, sometimes daily -
especially when you awaken in your bed
and you get the feeling that something
important has changed,
or is on the verge of changing everything.
I sometimes wonder what an earlier version of myself
would think if they were given
a snapshot of the future, and my present,
and how they would feel if they were told
what had taken place between their time and mine -
I would look so much older, so much greyer,
so much more like my father in so many ways,
and so much of what my younger self would learn
would be a shock to them just as much as
what happened was to shock to me…
I always believed that I could predict
what was going to happen and where I would be -
however no one can ever predict the outcome
of anything,
nor know what will lead to something,
unless they have foreknowledge,
or perhaps a map of all the things
that we will all encounter along
our life’s paths of multiple possibilities…
I know that even if a younger version of me
were to be given a chance to see and know
who and what they would one day be,
then they would choose to block out
what they might have learned,
because not doing so -
knowing that they could never
change anything that will happen
and has already happened -
would be something that they
would not be able to live with
without being driven mad.
Once again, this year was a time when I had to
make choices about what I wanted to do
and who I wanted to be -
and, as always, I chose to be
who I have been for as long as I can remember:
who my father tried to prepare me to be,
who people I used to know have helped me to be,
who I have always known was within me…
my life has always been one
of rebelling against expectations,
of doing what others could not
imagine I was capable of,
and of being there for those I love,
as well as never forgetting
who did what to whom, when, where, and how -
because I know better than most
that actions have consequences,
the effects of past events catch up with you,
and our past, present, and future selves
are influencing one another, sometimes subtlety,
over the continuum of our existence,
and which is why we sometimes feel
as if we have been somewhere,
as if we have done something,
or as if we have met someone before…
this year has been one of those times in my life
which will, once again, redefine me
and how I see myself whenever I look back -
because this year, like most years,
was the beginning, the end, and the start
of a new era and chapter in the story of my life,
and I wonder what will happen tomorrow
and beyond this year of regeneration:
the year that was 2024.
Short story: “The Man in the Mirror” (2018) by Mark Hastings
‘Playing God’ by Mark Hastings (2018) – audio book: The Man in the Mirror – “Who Do You See?”
A Poem A Day #366: Self-reflection
My Poem “Self-reflection”
My life has always been one of constant reinvention... every day the man in the mirror reminds me that you cannot move forwards if you continue to live your life in reflection... my life has always been one of questions, answers, and the pursuit of mystery... every day the voice within me tells me to never give up, to stay true to myself, and no matter what I do continue to be a poet and an author of my own poetry. We can only live our lives by embracing what feels right at the time... we can only see what we capture with our eyes... we can sometimes only be free when we are sleeping and dreaming at night... we can only compare two sides when we are given a deeper insight. Some people will never truly know you, nor ever understand why you do what you do and sometimes that can be frustrating - especially when you want someone to "get you", to like you, and to want to engage with you... some people can be drawn to people, some people can be intimidated by people, some people can be intrigued by people, some people can know people as soon as they meet them, because they see themselves in them as if they were their own reflection.
My Poem “Baba Yaga”
There have been times
in everybody’s life
when they have been wide away
at an hour of twilight –
when the moon was shining
its white halo of reflected light
back at those looking
at it from below –
when people have felt,
even though they were alone,
as if an invisible presence was
sitting next to them, staring at them,
and communicating to them a choice
that they needed to make –
for some this spirit may have been
personified as being an angel,
a ghost, a reflection in the mirror,
a face in the flames of a fire,
a rebel devil, a man in black,
a bright light, a dark shadow,
a messenger of heaven, a hellion of hell,
a pale rider, an emissary of purgatory,
a crossroads guide, a Boogeyman,
or perhaps a scary witch who
goes by the name of “Baba Yaga”,
who tests everybody whom they find
or who finds them, in order
to discover who a person is
deep within their soul.
Mark The Poet 