I have always tried to maintain a line
between who I am on the outside
and who I am on the inside -
who I am and how most people see me as,
and who I am and how I am when I am
doing what I know I am meant to do…
most of the time, I try to not share too much
about what makes me who I am -
but I always fail, because when I write
I always spill my heart upon whatever page
or screen I am expressing myself upon,
and who I am is always evident within
the words that I use as well how and when I use them…
in daily life, I try not to draw too much attention to myself;
however, when my mask of perception falls -
the one I wear to disguise the face of someone
who sees and hears inspiration
in every interaction that I have with someone -
that is when I am in my element
and accessing every ounce of insight,
instinct, and intuition that I have,
and when I am when and where I need to be
what follows is a fountain ejection
of my creation and poetry.
Most people who see me
do not see me for who I am,
nor for what I can do,
because most people invariably
only see what they want to see
and do not expect to see anything more -
however, when it comes to me,
there is always more to be seen…
most people think they know
everything about people
because they may see them every day -
but time and time again people
have proven just how much
they can surprise others -
in both good ways and in bad ways -
and show sides of them
that rarely get an opportunity to be set free.
I am a poet. I am a writer.
I am an author. I am a storyteller.
But I am also someone who has a job,
I am someone with coworkers,
I am someone with friends,
I am someone with a family,
and though a lot of people know me
not everybody knows everything about me -
which is why when someone
who I know, and who knows me,
finds out something about me
that I know some people know,
but not everybody,
and I am caught off-guard,
I have to switch off whatever
barrier I have in place,
I have open up the curtains
that I use to keep the light within me
from spilling out and shining
constantly upon the world,
and I have to speak in a certain way
so that I can talk about things
that are personal and near and dear to me:
books, stories, inspiration, muses, poetry…
most people are surprised
when they find out about my “secret identity”,
which these days is not so secret…
the first question that most people ask me
is “do you make any money” -
which always makes me laugh
because it always reveals to me
what motivates most people
and just how many people
do not and could not understand
why I am what I am and why I do what I do,
but it’s not their fault.
From the moment that I was inspired
to write my first poem,
I knew that I was awakening something
within me that had always been there
but had been waiting for the right
spark of inspiration to renew it
and instil it with eternal life…
from the moment that I started sharing
my love, my heart, my creativity,
my passion for writing with others,
I knew that I was taking a risk
that someone people might not like,
nor understand, what they read
and what I was attempting to convey -
but I like to think that when I write something
it can read and easily understood by anybody;
however if someone knows me personally
then when they read what I have written
they will be able to recognise me within my words
without having to be asked…
from the moment that I published my first book
and people who didn’t know I was a writer
read what I had written and held
within their hands what I had created,
I had no idea that so many people
would react to the revelation of who
and what I was and what I am so viscerally
and then be able to see me in such a different light…
from the moment that I heard someone describe me
as “The Poet” I definitely knew that I had always been,
and I would always be what I am -
but nobody can ever tell how they are going to react
when someone is finally revealed to be
who they are and who they have always been,
because every time it happens
there are always many reasons
for why people’s true identities are exposed
and why they are ultimately unmasked.
identity
My Poem “Taurus”
I have been described
as being "intense",
perhaps too "intense" for some -
however, accounting for the fact
that I am a Taurus,
and I have not changed that much,
I don't know why the fact that
I am the way that I have always been
is as much of a surprise
for some than for others;
but I just think that some people
only like intensity, energy,
passion, danger,
when it suits them -
but then they always ultimately recede back
to the safety of their version of "normality".
I do not apologize for being
someone who likes the thrill
of jumping into the unknown...
I do not expect everybody
to always understand me...
I do not feel a need to explain
why I feel as if I needed to do
what felt like the right thing
to do at a particular time;
however, I recognize that my actions
do not always conform
to what some might believe
is the right way to do something -
because no one else
has lived my life but me,
no one else has been inspired
like I have been,
no one has journeyed alone
to where I have been
confident in the knowledge
that wherever I always find myself
is where I have always been meant to be;
no one has secrets like mine -
things that are hidden away
for safe-keeping, but never forgotten.
There is always something that captures
our attention and our imagination -
something always draws us to it
like the light and the heat of a flame...
there is always someone
who we think about all the time
but who will always remain
a shadow in a mirror
that can never break free
of their confinement...
there is always something that we find
but then lose soon after -
like one day remembering
who someone is
but then the next unable
to put a face to a name...
there is always someone
that we are unable to deny our love for,
because they were there
when we needed someone
to remind us that things
in life sometimes come
and then go faster than a trend.
I have always gone to the farthest edge...
I have always taken something
all the way to its limits...
I have always had this instinct to keep things -
from the big to the small -
because we do not always know
what something or someone
is worth to us until we find
ourselves without them...
I have always met people
who have given me gifts -
sometimes gifts they are unaware
they are giving,
including: being there for me,
and telling me that they found
a reason to smile
because of something that I did.
I have never asked for a lot -
not even when I was a child
at Christmas, or for my birthday -
because all that I have ever
truly wanted or needed
was love and the truth;
however, time and time again,
it has taken a long time for
the hidden message and meaning
of something that happened
to be fully revealed,
after my interest in something
or someone was first peaked...
I have always wanted love -
but as I have gotten older
I have discovered that what we call "love"
is sometimes something
completely different,
but disguised as "Love";
however, I still maintain that
the love I have known
meant something at the time
I believed I felt it.
I have never minded someone
having a different opinion
on something than me -
but when I hear someone
say something that I know
is not true I do find it hard
to stay quiet and not speak...
I have always found the best way to tell whether someone's intentions are honest
and selfless is always to look into their eyes
and attempt to read their thoughts -
however, sometimes what I have found
while gazing into the eyes of those people who say one thing but then do the complete opposite,
makes me feel as if I am not as good
of a judge of character
as I would like to believe that I am;
but no matter what happens,
and no matter what has happened,
no one will ever be able to change me -
because, for better or for worse,
I am stubborn and capable
of saying and doing what others
may fear to say and do,
because I do not have any fear
of what is the "right" way,
nor what is the "wrong" way,
to live my life and to be,
and which is why I believe
I am the perfect personification
of my horoscope star sign “The Bull”.
The Doorman (2024) – The Audiobook
Simon Starling is a young man who just has no luck when it comes to relationships - and no matter what he does he always finds himself heartbroken. You would think that one day Simon's luck would change. Right? You would think that one day Simon would find "The One" for him? Well, one day, after breaking up with his girlfriend, something happens to Simon which leads him to visiting a magical place called "Reader's World" and be introduced to its enigmatic and mysterious custodian, "The Doorman", and from that moment Simon's life would never be the same again.
Chapter One – “Introduction”:
Chapter Two – “Mrs. Robinson”:
Chapter Three – “Reader’s World”:
Chapter Four – “Shrödinger”:
Chapter Five – “Raven”:
Chapter Six – “The Green Door”:
Chapter Seven – “The Cardinal”:
Chapter Eight – “The Dream”:
Chapter Nine – “Open”:
Chapter Ten – “The Break-through”:
Chapter Eleven – “The Red Queen”:
Chapter Twelve: “Deadlock”:
Chapter Thirteen: “Phoenix”:
Chapter Fourteen: “The Shadow Man”:
Chapter Fifteen: “The Dark Room”:
The Doorman (2024) – Chapter Sixteen: “Ouroboros”:
Get your copy of the hardcover version of The Doorman on Amazon now!
My Poem “I Am Not A Number”
Life is not always easy,
life is not always peaceful,
life is not always what
you want it to be -
because the truth, for so many,
is that life is incredibly,
sometimes unbarely,
hard, in every respect:
so many people live in places,
and around people,
that have seemingly given up
on trying to restore how a place once was
and return it to a state of contentment
that was once felt.
Every day, people wake up
and they ask themselves
how they ended up where they awoke:
on the streets, or in a home
without some of the things
that some people take for granted,
perhaps without their family,
without hope, without love,
and for so long that they have forgotten
the last time they saw anything
resembling "normality" -
because the state of hell
that they believe they live in
day in and day out
has become all that they know.
We all know how to laugh,
we all know how to cry -
but sometimes when we
lose so much, so soon,
we do not immediately know
how to feel, nor what to think,
and we need to take some time
to rediscover who we are.
We all know what it is like
to feel as if we are happier
than we have ever been in our life -
and then "BOOM!" the world we knew
is destroyed by an explosion of reality,
and after which nothing and no one
can return, nor remember clearly,
to a time before whatever happened happened.
We all spend a lot of our time
trying to convince ourselves
that something will endure forever -
and then we all have to some day
face the truth that we never want to acknowledge:
that life can sometimes feel
as if it is a series of battles
being fought in some kind
of never-ending war.
Life is complicated...
life is not always
what we make of it...
life is always surprising us...
life is a gift, as are people;
however, sometimes
some people use others
for their own gain
and over time they start to see people
as if they are figures on a chart,
and not human beings
with emotions and feelings...
life is what it is,
individuals are who they are -
and no matter what anyone, or anything,
wants to make you believe,
nobody should be put others
through things because they can,
nor because someone is more "resilient",
because people are not machines
and do not deserve to be treated like they are,
because we are all flesh and blood,
and not variables in someone else's formula;
I am not a prisoner,
I am not a number -
and neither does anyone have to be
if they don't want to be.
