The strange and the unusual…
the extraordinary and the unexpected…
life has a way of making you feel
like you are in a different world
than the one you were in before
on a regular basis, sometimes daily -
especially when you awaken in your bed
and you get the feeling that something
important has changed,
or is on the verge of changing everything.

I sometimes wonder what an earlier version of myself
would think if they were given
a snapshot of the future, and my present,
and how they would feel if they were told
what had taken place between their time and mine -
I would look so much older, so much greyer,
so much more like my father in so many ways,
and so much of what my younger self would learn
would be a shock to them just as much as
what happened was to shock to me…
I always believed that I could predict
what was going to happen and where I would be -
however no one can ever predict the outcome
of anything,
nor know what will lead to something,
unless they have foreknowledge,
or perhaps a map of all the things
that we will all encounter along
our life’s paths of multiple possibilities…
I know that even if a younger version of me
were to be given a chance to see and know
who and what they would one day be,
then they would choose to block out
what they might have learned,
because not doing so -
knowing that they could never
change anything that will happen
and has already happened -
would be something that they
would not be able to live with
without being driven mad.

Once again, this year was a time when I had to
make choices about what I wanted to do
and who I wanted to be -
and, as always, I chose to be
who I have been for as long as I can remember:
who my father tried to prepare me to be,
who people I used to know have helped me to be,
who I have always known was within me…
my life has always been one
of rebelling against expectations,
of doing what others could not
imagine I was capable of,
and of being there for those I love,
as well as never forgetting
who did what to whom, when, where, and how -
because I know better than most
that actions have consequences,
the effects of past events catch up with you,
and our past, present, and future selves
are influencing one another, sometimes subtlety,
over the continuum of our existence,
and which is why we sometimes feel
as if we have been somewhere,
as if we have done something,
or as if we have met someone before…
this year has been one of those times in my life
which will, once again, redefine me
and how I see myself whenever I look back -
because this year, like most years,
was the beginning, the end, and the start
of a new era and chapter in the story of my life,
and I wonder what will happen tomorrow
and beyond this year of regeneration:
the year that was 2024.