They say that everyone has a "type"
when it comes to
who they are attracted to
and who they are drawn to...
most of the time we have no control
over who we fall in love with...
I have loved and I have been driven
to do things and to go to places
because what I felt for someone
somehow compelled me -
and now, in retrospect,
as I analyze who I sacrificed
so much for over the years,
and who ultimately threw
everything I did for them
away as if it were nothing,
I realize that for so long
I have found myself in relationships
with those who I would
have to describe as "Vampires":
those who tried to take from me
what fundameantally makes me who I am,
because they were users
who only wanted to take
without giving anything in return...
I was mesmerized by the hypnotic
gaze of those who could so easily
have bled me dry without
shedding a single tear from their eyes...
I was lead to believe that
the love I felt was reciprocated
because who I loved gave
what I believe would be considered
an award-winning performance -
because they played their part to perfection
and completely fooled me
into thinking that I was worth
something to them...
I believed every word I was told -
especially when the word "love"
was added into the mix...
I wanted to be with those
who I loved so badly
that I knowingly found myself
unable to stop myself from being tricked...
I have always had a vivid imagination,
but even I could never have imagined
all the ways that
I would be lied to,
nor what certain people
would be capable of saying and doing...
sometimes I do wish that
I would have seen the obvious signs
that told me from the outset
that who I fell for were not
as beautiful on the inside
as they appeared to be on the outside -
but, even if I had, I probably
would have overlooked
what I saw anyway,
because I was unable to think
about anything other than
being with those who made
my heart and the blood in my veins
burn as if they were on fire...
maybe, one day, I will break the curse
I have been under
whenever I have looked for a lover;
but, right now, I am in no rush
to jump with both feet
into anything resembling
the relationships that I have had
with too many smiling liars -
who I will always think of,
and refer to, as "Vampires".