I used to think I knew everything...
I used to think I was
going to do everything...
I used to think I would
fall in love with someone
and spend the rest of my life with them...
I used to think I would
learn my lesson
and never again return
to that place that caged me
for so long like a prison -
but, as it turns out,
of course, I was wrong,
because here I am again
shackled to my memories of the past
and tormented by
what was never meant to be...
it's my own fault,
I was the one who opened the door
that said "DO NOT ENTER" on it -
but I just couldn't help myself
from wondering if who
and what I thought I had locked away
was still waiting to be found
on the other side.

I should have known better...
I should have stopped myself
from reawakening the power
of what I have struggled to put behind me...
I should have been stronger...
I should have talked myself
out of being who I am -
but, once again, I was weak.

Once again, everything feels complicated -
where before, not that long ago,
everything was finally
beginning to feel simple...
once again, I am a storm
of thoughts and emotions -
but not that long ago
I swore that I felt as if
I were truly at a place of peace...
once again, I have fallen hard
and I do not know how long
it will take me to rise
even so much as a little...
once again, I have been triggered
into a state of intoxication
because I dared to venture
to where I have been before
and from which I still wear the scars -
I just hope that I will find a way
to not drown under the dark waves
of the sea of unfulfilled dreams.