My Poem “New Conclusion”

When I began this journey,
I didn’t realise that I was on a path
that would change everything about me…
when I was young I didn’t realise
that everything has a time limit,
and I couldn’t conceive of the notion
that everything didn’t last forever…
when I used to read books,
when I used to watch movies,
when I used to go outside
and ride my bike around my neighbourhood,
I used to believe that I could continue to do
and to enjoy doing certain things without end -
because I was uneducated to the reality
of the last time you might get to do something,
as well as the last time you might get to see someone.

When I left school and I first heard the news
that someone I knew, a friend of mine, had died
I was so shocked, I couldn’t make sense
of what I was hearing -
especially after I was told that my friend
had taken his own life because he couldn’t take
any more of being bullied for how he looked;
and even after all these years
I still wish that there was something
that I could have done to prevent what happened…
when I think back upon all the things that I have done,
when I think back upon all the places that I have been,
when I think back upon all the people that I have met,
it is hard to remember everything
as well as hard to remember everybody -
however some things and some people
we could never forget, even if we tried,
because sometimes things happen in our life
that mean more to us than we think
and the memory of them remains
ingrained within our consciousness
and is brought back to life within our dreams.

When I sleep at night, I know that I always dream -
but when I awaken I do not always remember
what I saw, nor who I encountered,
while within the world between worlds
where we all go to and are connected to
every moment of every day,
whether we all realise it, or not.

When I started to feel like I was a part
of something bigger than myself,
when I started to see signs telling me
that things in life weren’t always
as random as they seemed to be,
when I started to get the feeling
that I had a purpose in life that was mine and mine alone -
but which would see me doing things
and meeting certain people for a reason -
that was when something happened to me
that made me want to go seek out, explore,
wonder, learn, be inspired,
and not take a moment for granted…
whenever I have found myself at a place
and at a time when I have been taken aback
by the fact that I have been in the same position before,
and I have realised that I am continuing a cycle
and a trend that I thought would never happen again -
the same as I had seen other people repeat also -
I always promise myself that I will learn
from my mistakes of the past
and not repeat them in the future,
and I do try to be better than I was
at predicting the outcome of something before it happens.

Whenever I think about life and my place in the world,
the reason why I am here, and why things happen,
I have learned to be as philosophical
in my thinking and in my reasoning as I possibly can -
but, as always, just when you think you know everything,
just when you think you have seen everything,
just when you think you have heard everything,
something or someone will inevitably surprise you
and make you question whether something was always what it was,
whether someone was who you always thought they were,
and then, as before, life asks you
to look again at what you think you know,
take another guess at what is really going on,
and see what new conclusion you can come up with.