I used to be so fast…
I used to be able to move
with greater speed
seemingly than that of light,
or even that of thought…
I used to be in one place
and then gone the next
that I seemingly had no shadow to cast…
I used to be able to seemingly be
a different person, in different places,
interacting with different people,
all at once, and able to diversify
my time and my attention
seemingly to countless others…
I used to be unstoppable,
I used to be indomitable;
I used to be connected to so many,
in so many ways –
and then something happened:
I underestimated my own abilities
to be the one who could do
anything without consequence,
nor did I account for things
naturally coming to an end…
I used to have so many friends;
I used to have so many people
who looked upon me
with such love and enthusiasm;
I used to have the foresight
to enable me to be ahead
of the game being played –
and then I watched the house of cards
I had constructed fall down around me,
and since then I have seen
others pick up the cards that
I imbued with elements of myself
and take them with them and use them
to create barriers that keep me always
at arms-length, because they took
all that they ever wanted from me…
I find that I am now slower in speed
and more hesitant to jump at the chance
to throw caution to the wind
as I blaze a trail of flames
and do what I desire without a single thought
to the consequences of my actions;
I find that I am now more likely to be found
deliberating about what I should do,
rather than leaping into the unknown
and trying to find my way by using my instincts
to light the way that I would follow
to wherever I felt I needed to be, and with whom…
I find that I am now more likely to be found
in my own sanctuary,
rather than tripping the light fantastic
while dancing upon the water-drops
of a rainstorm brought to life
by the rays of the sun
converted into the arch of a rainbow.
And why? Because I care not
for what and for whom I was once obsessed about
and believed in to a fault;
because I no longer wish to be
the one who did all that he could
while receiving nothing in return;
because I no longer call my allies my friends,
nor do I call my enemies my nemeses –
because I am more than happy
with my own company and with those who
I wish to gift my time to;
because I have been blessed with the gift
of not being burdened by the pain of disappointment,
nor by the knowledge that I lived a life
navigating a labyrinth of relationships
built on lies and deception –
and which is why I live alone,
but not lonely, in my world of hope,
resilience, resolution,
and symbolic of the messenger of possibilities
that I always have been and always will be.