All my footprints have gone...
all my fingerprints have disappeared...
all my impressions have been undone...
all my loves have been lost -
it is as if what happened never happened
and now I am the only one
who remembers or cares
that I once used to be with someone,
sometime, somewhere.

I never used to believe in true endings
until this year,
and now it feel as if life is not done
teaching me the lesson that I, nor anybody,
has true control over what happens...
I never believed that hope would abandon me -
but something is telling me and showing me
that the days of knowing what to do and when
are out of my hands and from now on
I am going to have to do more
to keep the once perpetual light
of optimism within me lit,
because even the most intense
and raging fire can be doused
and can even go out for good.

All my life, I took more for granted than I realised -
and it is only now, that I am bereft of what
and who I used to rely on,
that I understand where I have been going wrong,
where and when I should have done more,
and made the most of moments
that I thought would last for ever,
but were always only temporary...
all my life, I have been blessed
and I have been surrounded
by more that I could have ever wished or asked for;
and now that things, and people, have left me
I find myself wondering if, when, and how
my life could make sense ever again -
because I have been changed forever
in ways that not even I could describe
or capture in poetry.

The future, to me, is now one day at a time...
the past, to me, is now like somewhere
I once knew that I wont see or repeat again
until I reach my own version of the end...
the present is dark, and even the lights I see,
to me, have lost their once vibrant shine...
reality, for me, has been fractured too badly
for anything or anyone to be able to mend -
because I will always be haunted and living
under the shadow of death.